Saturday, July 02, 2005

Picking up the pieces

Wow, it is already 7th of the year. I just realized that it is getting so fast to end this year. A lot of things already happened in my life that I would consider not just a normal event. Right now I could say that I am starting to know what life really is. This would also be one of the lowest point of my life. I am not taking it as a cynical point of view. It is just the reality we need to accept and facing it is what I am doing right now. But I am starting to pick up the pieces now. This is helping me to become stronger and wiser. My perspective are changing now and I could say that I am a becoming a better man now.

..... only for that one thing that also changed my life. Sometimes it still gets into you. It drags you back to that old self and that old feeling. I guess that is just a part of it. This will fade soon, I know. It doesn’t matter now since it is my past. Things from the past should not be forgotten but should serve as a reminder for us.

….. also I am praying for that one thing I really want right now. I just hope I would get it. I would know that in few weeks time. If only I could get that, it would help me changed my life faster. I just hope I would get it. :)

Now In Alabang

This week we are already in Alabang that means I already moved out of our house and now in our flat in Alabang. This week is a bit hassle since I am really adjusting with work, living alone and with our place. I dunno if i could stand this. Im giving this a few months and let us see what will happen.

The Notebook

im actually scavenging for good quotes and messages on different sites and this is the lastest one i found. this came from one of the best romantic movies i have watched.

From 'The Notebook'

'The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this good-bye is both a good-bye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.

When I look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And I know I have spent every life before this one searching for you. Not someone like you, but YOU, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understands, we've been forced to say goodbye...

I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and I promise to do all I can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly goodbye, I know that we will see each other again in another life. We will find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before...

Ouotes from Sex and the City

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his

3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a
man's character, leave him alone.

4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from

5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship
that's not meant to be.

6. Don't force an attraction.

7. Slower is better.

8. Never live your life for a man before you find
what makes you truly happy.

9. If a relationship ends because the man was not
treating you as you deserve then heck no you
can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a

10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship,
but don't let faith make you stupid. God does
things decent and in order.

11. Don't settle.

12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then
he probably is.

13. If he keeps changing his mind about the
relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is
unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like

14. Don't stay because you think "it will get
better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for
staying when things are not better.

15. Honorable men take care of their business
and aren't involved in a
whole lot of mess.

16. The only person you can control in a
relationship is you.

17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you;
he doesn't want you.

18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a
bunch of different women. He didn't marry them
when he got them pregnant, why would he treat
yo u any differently?

19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before
finding the prince.

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.

21. Always have your own set of friends separate
from his.

22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If
something bothers you, speak up.

23. If he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.

24. Be honest and upfront.

25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung

26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove
yourself from the situation to let him figure things
out (but don't wait for him, move on).

27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will
treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his
family (not just mom).

28. There's more than physical abuse, there's
emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of

29. You cannot change a man's behaviors.
Change comes from within.

30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not
willing to follow himself -- double-standard.

31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more
important than you are...even if he has more
education or in a better job.

32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a
man, nothing more nothing less.

33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he
can't have you!

34. Don't compete with other woman, but be
aware that men are attracted to what they see.

35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is.
Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying,
let him go.

36. Actions speak louder than words.

37. Never let a man define who you are.

38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to
yourself for that.

39. Never borrow someone else's man.

40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't
mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean
that you are meant to be wi th him.

42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right'
the next time.

43. Know that you deserve to be the number one
person in the life of the #1 person in your life.

44. Love is a verb ...

45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to
make someone unavailable-available, someone
ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.

46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW

On my birthday

First three people who greeted me right after 12 midnight ...

*** Ate Ilyn (we were talking that time) 12am

1. George Defiesta (barkada) 12:05

2. Rex Fontanoza (my best bud) 12:08

3. L*** 12:54

Of course there are still those people who greeted me before 12 midnight

Benz, Reg, Mark, Milette, Henry, Tito Joven and Tita Didi, Mickey (cuz) Apple, Ivo, Eric and a lot more

*** Teth nag-pacute. She wants to be special kaya she greeted me with a cake on the day of my birthday. Thanks friend!!!

*** Thanks Mark for the gift. :)

Thank you also to those people who greeted me....including my mom of course

too many to mention ....... ECHO BATCH THANK YOU SA GREETINGS...pati sa picture na napaganda!!!! ......

Thanks Tranche 7 of UK Lost and Stolen and the KKK girls of Tranche 19 US Care (Jan, Angel and Joey)

People in my text inbox

Reg, Mark, Mickey, Kitte, George, Rex, L*, Daddy, Nadj, Meg D., Joey, Ate Irene, Ana, Chuck, Maricar, Paeng, Teng, Peter, Fifi, Chu, Mikka, Jan, Jovie, Amie, Chris Uy and Dennis.

Person who called kasi tamad magtext... Vince (of course kasama na si given)

Who I was with ....

Kitte, Meg E., Mikka, Pau, Ron, Rex (thanks bestfriend!!), and Nadj (Ms. Sarah)

Thank you so much for making my day !!! :):):) La lang ako magawa

JUst Got This From Somebody's Profile

I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic. Those that are old and familiar. Those that bring up lots of questions. Those that bring you somewhere unexpected. Those that bring you far from where you started. And those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all, is the one that you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the YOU you love, well, that's just FABULOUS!!"

- Carrie Bradshaw (Sex And the City)-


It is impossible to grasp just how poweful LOVE is....

It could sustain us through trying times or

motivates us to make extraordinary sacrifices.

It could force a decent man to commit the darkest deeds or compel ordinary women

to search for hidden truths. And long after were gone, love remains burried into our

memories. We all search for love but some of us, after we found it ..... wish we



Prayer for Wishes from St. Theresa

May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power
that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones,
and allow your soul the freedom
to sing, dance, and to bask in the sun.
It is there for each and every one of you.
St. Theresa, pray for us.

Hiyeee ....

am having so much fun with work\training and with my tranchemates in UK program. I am also having fun with our trainer. He is so gay and he is so funny too. I love being around with funny people. They make me smile and laugh. They make me realize how wonderful life is ....

What happened today?

well... not much of an event. just been busy searching for a new place to stay in alabang. in two weeks, our company is moving down to south and since i live in rizal that means i need to move out too to south. mmmmmm...not much of a problem but im a bit nervous and excited at the same time. i need to look for a place to stay in coz i cant afford to drive from rizal to alabang everyday. it will eat too much of my time. im nervous since this will be my first time to live alone. im not used to in fixing my bed, cooking for my food as well as washing my clothes. gonna miss my mom but of course ill be going home every weekends. my plan is every friday ill go home and spend that day with my family, then saturday will be my gimmick day. Sunday will be reserved for my gym session in greenhills (my fave branch) every 2pm. and of course attending mass.

On the other hand, im also excited since ill be living in a new place with new sets of people. i think its gonna be fun....i hope. This will be a nice time for me to recover and bring back my old life and my old self. This new place will be a good way to start it. :) Have a good day! Let's all be happy. :)


just one of my realiziations for the day....ill be all good now...ill be happier .....

"Im going to move on and you are going to spend the rest of your life knowing that you turned your back on love and that makes you a hypocrite ...."

--- cruel intentions ----

~~~~ thanks Mark~~~~

i Robot

Tiananmen ... beach ...”Through the fire”

.....Shut up!!!!




I wish I am a robot ….

… so you can just tell me to stop and I will stop

… so you can just ask me to get lost and I will walk away

… so you can just tell me to stop thinking about you and I will just shutdown

… so you can tell me to stop texting you and you can just cut off my hands

But I am not. I just can’t stop. I just can’t stop thinking about you. I just can’t walk away. I just can’t stop loving you. I just can’t.

Wish you are a robot …..

… so I could tell you not to leave me and just stay beside me

… so I could ask you not to stop loving me and just take care of me

… so you wouldn’t be mad at me and we can just forget about all that happened

….. but sadly you are not …..I can’t make you love me again….well at least for now….

….. so now I just miss you so much and this is driving me nuts!! I just can’t stop the pain. I can’t stop hating myself for messing things up. I just can’t stop loving you.

Perfect Relationship

I still believe in relationships but what really makes it last. For me, there is no perfect relationship. From the point you see your partner; you can’t say that you will have a perfect relationship with that person. There could be magic but no one can really say if your relationship will work. Of course, magic will add something. So what really makes it last? For me that would depend on both of you. Your partner may not be the ideal person you are looking for. As long as your partner is willing to work it out with you, at least that person is a good candidate. If you shared things together, do things together, go out with your friends together; this still will not guarantee that your partner is the perfect match. If you have done a lot of first things with your partner, it’s a not a guarantee that your partner is the perfect match. If your partner has introduced you to his/her family and friends, it does not mean your partner is the perfect match. Indeed, the action is truly sincere but it does not guarantee that your partner will be the perfect match for you.

What I learned so far is that material things are not important in a relationship. Treasured memories are also not a sign that your partner is the perfect match. It just adds to what we consider moments of our lives. As long as the person is willing to do anything and everything to work it out then your partner would be a good candidate. There shouldn’t be any reason why to bail out in a relationship if problems occur. Whether it’s a small or big problem, simple or complicated, or personal, this shouldn’t be a reason why a person will bail out of a relationship. If your partner does, that only means that your partner is not really into you. Your partner may not be the one. Your partner is not ready to walk an extra mile for you. As what they say in Sex in the City, if your partner truly loves you, he/she should not walk away and leave you. If he/she does, it only means he/she doesn’t love you.

We just need to accept the fact that even if we truly love a person, if the person is not wiling to work it out with you then that person is not for you. You can’t force a person to love you. It is hard but you can do it. Remember, you have lived your life before you met that person. Now that he/she is gone again, I am sure you can still live your life without him/her. Don’t regret what you have experienced. It adds up to your character. Just move on. Learn from your experience and look for the person who loves you the same way as you do. Look for a person who is willing to work it out with you. It does not need to be a truly, deeply, and mad affection. As long as you love each other and both of you are wiling to work it out then that will make up a good relationship.

On the other hand, I may be wrong. I HOPE I AM WRONG.

I got this somewhere.....

It was an emotional week. Lately, I was so preoccupied of things I can’t explain. Not really of extraordinary things, but things that bothers me and confuses me and things I can’t sort. I hope I could start again or maybe go back to correct what I have done wrong. I really hope I could go back and fix it.

I just lose a part of me …

It’s hard for me to explain things and defend myself to fix things but what I know is at the bottom of my heart and at the top of my brain … (that person knows it.)

It’s hard, loving a person that doesn’t love you anymore. It’s so painful. It feels like your emotions are shattered.

It’s hard to move on especially when you know that you have done something that ruined everything.

Honestly, I don’t know what to say anymore to change things. Yes I can’t accept things now but I know I’ll move on. However, right now I really what YOU to come back and the least I can do is hope. I hate myself for loving you this much and it hurts more knowing YOU don’t love me anymore. Damn, this sounds pathetic.

Do I cry? Yes I cry even if I don’t want to. ….I just hate the part of me that is sentimental. What can I do? I am just a human being. I have emotions. I know how to love and care. And when I do, I give it all. Is it bad? I don’t know. For me, yes or I may be wrong too but right now what I know is I feel the pain. It is the pain from loving YOU sincerely.

Yes I know I screwed up… and that makes me feel worst.

It’s so hard to change your decision. That also hurts.

What I know is I am just a boy who loves. And right now I still love you and this makes me cry.

I know I said I hate you, but I can’t. I hate myself more because I love you this much.

I wish things are more simple. I hope we could just live a simple life with the one we love.

You may be hurting too….or maybe you could have already totally forgotten me…I don’t know.

I just want to be happy. If you still love me, I want to work it out with you. Why you? I can’t explain it too. I just want to be with you. I love you the way you are. The way you talk, the way you smile and even the way you commit mistakes. I just love the whole you and being with you is one of the happiest moment I have. However, I can’t force you to love me again (if you have really fallen out of love). Again, the least I can do is hope until we have totally forgotten each other or until you will come back to me. Right now, I am still hoping and praying things will work out.